Angst, Anger and Angie

     I really don't know how far I will get with this post. I am scared to talk about things because I find myself with high anxiety. I worry that I will panic and lose control. But I can't stop feeling compelled to share my stories. I just need someone who won't judge me to listen. Someone who won't minimize my feelings and tell me to relax and that everything will be okay. I need to vent...as much as my brain will allow.      Backstory:      My mom, who is my entire world has had significant health issues for quite some time. I remember her being in the hospital multiple times when I was a kid for pneumonia. She was a CNA for 25 years and she dedicated her life to taking care of others, including my dad and myself. In 1995, I remember her not being able to work anymore and she filed for Disability. She went to a Pulmonologist who did testing and diagnosed her with COPD which I knew nothing about. I knew that she was evaluated but she jus...

     Maybe it's anger, who knows at this point. I have a multitude of emotions that I can't sort out. One minute I feel okay and then something happens and I am swept back into the black hole of despair. A place where there is no peace, there is no release and the idea of giving up becomes more comforting. Unfortunately, it's a place that I find myself lately. There is just no end in sight.       I'm just so (insert your favorite expletive here) tired. Not your regular tired, but bone rattling fatigue. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. As a result of this fatigue I'm like I grumpy two-year old child without a nap. Why not take a nap you might ask. Well, yes it would be great if I could. But if I nap during the day I don't sleep at night. I am prone to insomnia so I have to stay tired during the day because it's so hard for me to fall asleep at night. Sounds ridiculous I know. But now, I am having nightmares and I am waking up abru...

Wow, where do I begin?      I mean, normal people start at the beginning. But, I'm not normal and I have no idea where the beginning....well, begins. So let me just introduce myself. I'm Angela or Angie if you prefer. I'm angry, anxious and living a life centered around insurmountable angst. Oh yeah, I'm kind of sarcastic and borderline snarky when I'm full of emotion...so there ya go. You might be asking yourself: "Why should I listen to what she has to say?" and you may not even be interested at all. That's perfectly fine. I just need a place to get this all out. I need someone who will listen and not coddle me. Someone who won't dismiss my feelings. I don't need someone to tell me to relax, or that everything is going to be okay. I'm not okay. Not at all. And I can't seem to tell anyone because in reality, I have been made to believe that nobody actually does.