Frustration at Its Finest

     Maybe it's anger, who knows at this point. I have a multitude of emotions that I can't sort out. One minute I feel okay and then something happens and I am swept back into the black hole of despair. A place where there is no peace, there is no release and the idea of giving up becomes more comforting. Unfortunately, it's a place that I find myself lately. There is just no end in sight. 

     I'm just so (insert your favorite expletive here) tired. Not your regular tired, but bone rattling fatigue. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. As a result of this fatigue I'm like I grumpy two-year old child without a nap. Why not take a nap you might ask. Well, yes it would be great if I could. But if I nap during the day I don't sleep at night. I am prone to insomnia so I have to stay tired during the day because it's so hard for me to fall asleep at night. Sounds ridiculous I know. But now, I am having nightmares and I am waking up abruptly every single hour. And sometimes I even see things. Shadows on the ceiling morph into indescribable horrors. It takes me a few minutes to realize that they are indeed just shadows. 

     Sometimes I dread even getting up because I know that I have battle to deal with. My day is a whirlwind of anxiety, worry, and anger. I have frequent outbursts. I have no patience and I become overwhelmed at the smallest things. 

     Even as I write this, I feel the anxiety blooming. 

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